Monday, March 14, 2005

Wedding

I'd like to say thanks for the support of my little blog here, thanks Rob and Karen! Shallon doesn't count, and the GIT thinks I'm going insane. As always, GIT is closest to the truth. On to the show!
Speaking of Shallon, in case you hadn't heard, it appears that Shal and I will be getting married in Vegas around March 2006 (Dry your tears ladies). It will be our ten year anniversary and we are both very excited about it. In my case, "excited" is another way of saying "being in a state of abject terror." Not that I have any problem with being married to Shal, it's the process that causes me to break out in cold sweats. If I could wake up and just be married, I'd be fine. However, that is not the case. There must be endless discussion, questions from friends, and the eventual informing of our families. I'll cover these issues one at a time. Endless discussion: I don't think I'm giving away any secrets when I say Shal likes to smoke a little something-something on occasion. When in this "mood", she likes to "brainstorm" with me about wedding. "How about Mandalay Bay?" That sounds great honey. "Yeah, but what about (insert the name of 30 different places)?" Uhhh, I don't know, I trust you, whatever looks cool. "We could try to get a pool bar, or an island bar, or should we try to get, like one of those rooms?" (I get up and make a 16oz glass of vodka and ice) Hmmm, not sure, all sounds good. "Who should we have marry us? An Elvis? Maybe a midget Elvis? (Now I'm smoking as well. And shaking.) Get a midget Elvis, that would be best (Giggling now and trying to avoid eye contact.) "Want to hear my idea for the invitation?" (Deep breath.) I'd love to? "Well, okay, this is what I'm thinking..." (My eyes glaze over and I start contemplating the joys of heroin.)
This is not to say anything bad about Shal, I know everyone has to do this around big decisions and planning events, I'm just not that kind of guy. Tell me when and where, and I'll try and drop by between hands of Black Jack. I'll even try not to stumble. Leave it up to me, we'd do it in the arrivals lounge in Vegas airport so we could be done with it and get to the gambling. Your flight gets delayed? We'll show you a picture when we meet up at the sports book. No disrespect to the institute of marriage, but I view the process much like I imagine penis enlargement surgery. It's something you do for your partner, it would be best if you were heavily anesthisized during the procedure, and when it's over, everyone is happy.
I got to get to work, to be continued...
Cheers Motherfuckers!

1 Comments:

At 1:38 PM, Blogger JayTool said...

The following was sent to me by Rob M. in an email. I love it for his description of the 'burbs as well as his glowing praise for me.
Suck it.

In all seriousness Jay...
You definitely have a talent for writing. I always thought this based on your
scathing emails to Finn in comment to one of his latest "technology purchases"
or your glib and acrimonious verbal assaults fired at anyone who dared blaspheme
the Pats, or resembled Saddam Hussein... Your painfully acrid views and feelings
concerning people and the world have made me truly realize how disillusioned I
have become, and how much I miss Hoboken and nights of drunken stupor at
Arthurs/Duffy's.
( I just wiped a tear from my bloodshot eyes redened from last night at the
local "thematic restaurant/bar" here in suburbia where you are overwhelmed by
screaming children, fat waitresses, shitty beer and your absolute desire to use
those fucking suspenders the staff wear to choke all the numbnuts, overweight,
brainless douchebags sitting around you!!)

Do me a favor and keep it up !! It makes my days sitting next to all these other
business school students bareable. Keep in mind they are ALL from some fucked up
middle east or asian country where eating dogs and not bathing are commonplace.
They aspire to own a chain of gas stations or take over the family dry-cleaners.
I actually had a lab partner named APU whose family owns a tobacco shop in the
Bronx.....no joke. I referred to the Simpsons character and he looked at me as
if I was insane for drawing the similarity.... I immediately decided he would
get an "F" when we did evaluations of one another for the course.
How dare he !!

keep us all sane. reading your blog puts it all in perspective for me. You are a
guru of sorts and you dont even know it.
Perhaps you should think of going on the road with your blog format? You could
be a thinner, angrier, bitter more vexing Tony Robbins.....Give it some thought.

I hope all is well with you and Shallon. send her my best.
Just put it all on auto-pilot, let her make the decisions and plans. All you
have to do is show up and say two words...I DO. and then immediately open a
fresh bottle of Jamesons 18 yr old...SIMPLE !!

 

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