More Wedding Terror

Before we get back to the wedding, a quick story from the gym yesterday. I get in the locker room and am putting my stuff in a locker, there's a 50 something year old guy who just got out of the shower and is doing cosmetic type stuff in preparation for work or whatever. I'm not paying any attention, truthfully male nudity makes me uncomfortable. He's talking to a friend, loudly, "I'm telling you I spend half my time putting lotion on." What the fuck? "Yeah, I tell you that's one of the main reasons I miss my ex-wife, to help with the lotion." Okay, he's just one of those guys who talks in a stream of consciousness kinda way. Doesn't make him a bad person, just annoying. "Yeah I gotta keep up with lotion or I get all dried out." Now I'm still not looking at him, but I can't help but giggling, It puts the lotion on when it's told. "Yeah, sucks getting older." It puts the lotion on or it gets the hose! "What are you gonna do though, right!" PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET! Needless to say I couldn't voice any of that but I got a good chuckle out of it. I should have asked him if he was about a size 14. One last thing for the guys, if you work out in a gym and have to shower, don't walk around naked. For Christ sake, put the fucking towel on. I do this thing where I go to different gyms around NYC when I have to work late. I usually just say it's my first time and I'd like to check it out. Often I'll hear about or sign up for a free week, and there are so many gyms in the city I just rotate through them and never have to pay. Not necessarily exciting, but why not? I've checked out a lot of cool places and been in a lot of shit holes. The one thing that is a constant, except for the gym in Harlem, is that there is always at least one creepy nude guy hanging out in the locker room. I've been to some real nice gyms with free towels everywhere, and guys are walking to and from the shower naked, with the towel in their fucking hand! Just wrap it around you! Is that too much to ask? Is this a gay thing? I have to assume so, and it makes me want to bash them in the skull with my lock. Not that I have a problem with faggo...gay people. I don't, just put some clothing on! I played sports in high school, I've showered in open locker rooms, it never bothered me. Everyone showered, put towels on, got dressed. No problem. Of course, where I'm from gay bashing isn't just accepted, it's expected. So maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. If there are any females still reading, feel free to walk around naked. In the locker room, at the beach house, hell, come on over to my place, I find female nudity totally acceptable. I guess I'm not really going out on a limb with that, but I felt it needed to be said. On to the show.

I think I covered the planning part of the wedding fairly enough the other day, and I'll be taking the advice of Mr. McFawn of "just put it on auto-pilot," as much as Shal will let me. Maybe I'll adopt the purposeful inaptitude strategy, just fuck up any duties assigned to me so Shal will have to handle it. The next hassle I have is questions from friends. I'm gonna break this into two sub-sections: Questions I've had to deal with over the past 8 years about when Shal and I are getting married, why we haven't yet, and the general tone of "What is wrong with you? Get married already will ya!" The second category of questions involve the folks that have heard about the wedding plan and want to talk with me about it. I can actually handle this section quickly because all of the questions blend together and I don't really hear them. Why? Well basically because my vision goes red, theres a loud roaring in my ears, and I hallucinate that I'm covered in the questioner's blood and doing an interpretive dance with their entrails wrapped around me. So if I've seemed rude when I fail to respond, please forgive me, I'm in another place. A happy place. Covered in your entrails while laughing maniacally. I'm not trying to discourage folks from asking questions, I'm just letting you know.
I got to get to work, and yes I'm writing that at 11:30am. To be continued. Also, look for a possibly drunken blog on Friday, depending on how St. Paddy's day goes. Anyone up for meeting at Arthurs after work Thursday for a gentlemanly Guinness or two?
Cheers Motherfuckers!