Pregnancy

A fist fight at a baby shower would really be fantastic. As an added bonus, the expectant mother got punched! Sounds more like an Irish funeral to me.

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2006/04/05/3_arrested_at_mass_baby_shower_brawl/

Speaking of pregnant women, I was recently asked to go and evaluate a woman who had just given birth to a still born baby. Her second. Somehow, this left her depressed. The fun part of this story is that they were telling me about this case in front of an 8 month pregnant woman. I am totally freaked out about this topic as it is, talking about in front of a pregnant woman...off the charts uncomfortable. The pregnant woman works days for Mobile Crisis, where I work evenings. She's about 24 and an Orthodox Jew. She wears the wig and is married to a Rabbi. She looks about 19 and too thin to give birth. She's already had bleeding and been put on bed rest but is now back at work. I won't even walk near her, pregnant women terrify me. I have this paranoia that I'll somehow bump into her or something and cause a miscarriage. "Thanks for killing my baby." My paranoia goes so far that I don't even like acknowledging the fact that someone is pregnant. "So you're having a baby?" "I was until you mentioned it, now I have to go the bathroom and miscarry!" Not only do I worry about the pregnancy going wrong, what if she has a mongoloid? Don't get me wrong, there is no greater source of humor for me than birth defects, but I don't want it happening to someone I know. "Wow, what a beautiful child!" Meanwhile the little fucker's head is three times too large and it's eating thumbtacks. Not to mention Sudden Infant Death! "How's the baby?" "Dead.." Fuck that shit, just introduce me to the kid when it turns 18. But I digress.

A little bit of info I learned from this evaluation is that if you have a still born baby, the hospital will dress it's little corpse up in baby clothes and take pictures. This is somehow good for the grieving process. The woman who I was evaluating, in her home, showed me these pictures. Dead newborn. There is literally not enough booze in the world to get these images out of my mind. Just for fun, imagine yourself in this situation and how you should react. I think I made some kind of noise like, "Awww..." Totally fucked up situation. Not much more to say about her, it was a pretty easy evaluation. "Two still born children? You're sad?" Yeah, you do the math on this one.

While on the topic, there is a Senator Santorum from Pennsylvania, a religious kook if there ever was one. He took his still born baby home to the family for a night. He's a hard core Catholic and has a big family, like 8 kids or something. I'd do a link but there are way too many. He's fucking hated. Google it for yourself. (I just did and found something about using his name for the after effects of anal sex.) I try to picture the family on the joyous day they brought home the dead baby. "This is your new sister/brother, say hello...say goodbye!" Must have been special, hope one of the young ones poked it with a stick. Ultra-religous upbringing, national spotlight, and having to pretend to show love to a dead baby? Those kids will be in rehab quicker than you can say Jackie Robinson.

Cheers Motherfuckers!