Extreme Behavior

I wrote this a while ago, I'll put it out now. It's imcomplete but fuck it.
I've recently been thinking a lot about my behavior. This is mostly due to a recent Sunday which went from watching football and having some beers like a gentleman, to the heavy use of artificial stimulants and hard alcohol. The results were predictable, we'll just say I was acting wildly inappropriate and leave it at that. The end result was I ended up with a missing credit card and sinus problems. Okay, I was unshowered and at an extremely chic club, after several rounds of the "Nice head, dick!" game and repeatedly putting my Pat's hat back on (no hats allowed in the club, at least not filthy baseball caps, despite my informing anyone who would listen it was a THREE TIME WORLD CHAMPION NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS hat), the doorman/bouncer and I agreed I would probably be better off anywhere else. I went to L&J's for more beer, discovered I had so many pockets and an elevated blood alcohol level that I couldn't find any cash and bought two beers with a credit card, which I then promptly also lost.

I have several behaviors that are part of my pattern. I like saying offensive things. I like to be thrown out of bars. My favorite joke is the one Steve-O told, "What do you get when you shove a knife up a babies ass?...I don't know about you, but I get a huge erection!" This is a great ice breaker in a mixed crowd. I guess what I really like is what is commonly referred to as a "Cringe Moment." Everyone looks at me in horror, but that is what I wanted. The joke is on them, except they don't get it. My friends get it, though some more than others. Shal disapproves, but sometimes I get her to admit later that it was funny. "Come on honey, when I told that 75 year old woman to show us her tits, you wanted to laugh!"

The first day of High School, I was stoned, which is great for a seven foot 13 year old who is a tad self-conscious. Why not throw a little paranoia into the mix! Anyway, I'm with three other buddies, all two years older than me and trying to show me the ropes. The ropes, I realize now, is outrageous behavior in the face of outright scorn. My big fat evil friend (doesn't everyone have one of these, kinda like the tall guy with the substance abuse issue that is present in every group) greeted the only black kid in my freshman class with a big, "What's happening my brother?" Top of his lungs in the middle of a crowded hall. Everyone looked at him with disgust, and I could have killed him for it, but I still remember it to this day. And we all still laugh our ass off about it.