U.N. At Bradley Beach

In a shocking development, the United Nations has decided to attempt to mediate the many disputes occurring at 103 Newark St. First on the agenda was the tiny nation of Columbia. While a newcomer to the UN, Columbia proved to be one the most volatile and unstable nations to join this austere body in recent history. She immediately went on the offensive against the established members and even attempted to bring in outside rogue nations (covered in tattoos). Her attacks on Ireland were early and often, but largely ignored as Ireland was hammered and notoriously thick-skinned after a long history of such insults. Lacking the desired retaliatory strike from Ireland, Columbia set her sights on Little Italy. As the Italians are notoriously hot tempered, the game was on. Columbia proved to be too unstable, however, to mount a successful attack. She repeatedly requested that Italy attack her using ground troops, which Italy refused to do, sticking purely with strategic air strikes to the heart of Columbia. Columbia grew so incensed by this strategy that she requested the assistance of outside inspectors. Oddly, these inspectors responded to Columbia's unfounded accusations and invaded the UN. While this caused much consternation, the inspectors searched the UN. While the UN smelled strongly of banned substances, the inspectors found no evidence to support Columbia's wild claims and departed. Alas, Columbia was forced into a full retreat from the UN grounds, much to the delight of the UN. Despite her departure, Columbia continues to badger the notoriously neutral England for redress of the situation. England grew weary of Columbia's ongoing complaints and threats, and enlisted the assistance of Ireland and Isreal. Isreal approached the situation with great diplomacy and attempted to negotiate a settlement. A vote by the security council of the UN indicated that South Korea, Staten Island, and Isreal felt that Columbia should receive a negotiated settlement. However, in true Irish fashion, and with Little Italy's full support, Ireland used it's veto power and informed Columbia she could go fuck herself. The matter remains under review.
Next on the agenda: Ireland is drafting a resolution to address the recent conflict between Germany and Isreal. Resolution remains in limbo as Ireland fears getting it's ass kicked.
Cheers multi-national motherfuckers.