Blog 2008: The Kite Runner

I’d like to thank the two or three people who responded to the return of the blog, thanks I appreciate the feed back. Here is my review of “The Kite Runner”, a book handed around by the females down at the beach house, to the point I had to make the leap and read it. There is even a movie being made about this book. Piece of shit. Horrifying clichés all over the place with a convoluted storyline and a sappy ending. I would give specifics but I have blocked most of the read out of my mind. I believe the theme of the story was boy rape, and who doesn’t love boy rape! Oh yeah, everyone. And redemption. Who doesn’t love redemption? Me. If everyone and every act was redeemable, Charlie Manson would have been paroled by now. The world doesn’t work that way. Wish it did, I truly do, but it doesn’t. Good people do bad things, bad people do good things, we are all flawed and we all die in the end. Boy rape will never be cool, but I think I understand why the chicks identified with it. I strongly believe that I won’t ever be raped by a man, unlucky guy that I am. Yet, there is no doubt I could force myself onto any woman I want, in a criminal fashion. It is simple genetics, men are stronger than women, and I am a large fucker with a drinking problem. I don’t rape because I know it’s wrong, not because I couldn’t. I may even be capable of raping some of you men out there reading this! Watch your backs guys, literally, I have some odd moods. That being said, I have no idea what it must be like to be a woman and have the knowledge that someone like me could get all heated up and suddenly demand to perform oral sex upon them. The poor woman would probably have to barricade herself in the bungalow with her dog Zoey. It’s just ridiculous! My friend Tom once described me as having “The Rape Look” in my eyes, and I couldn’t really disagree. I was hung over with a light saber in my pants and he was fooling around with his future wife in the bed next to mine. I was ready to pull a John Wayne Gacey. I was all ready picturing myself at the hardware store purchasing a shovel to hide their bodies under the house. Luckily for them, Tom gave me a “Jay…you okay?” I was “far from okay,” but I popped back into reality and realized they were just cuddling and waking up. Crime averted, though Shal did suffer my wrath (I think, may have had to engage in a little bit of the of ‘bating, can’t remember.) Personally, I would never force myself on anyone (Shallon excluded), because I’m afraid of going to jail. Joking. I don’t fear jail, I welcome it, as my hard drive will attest. Rape is just not something I’ve ever even considered. Okay, call me a liar, sure I’ve considered it. Have you seen the babes I associate with? They’re all hot! It’s torture! None the less, I kind of understand how women must feel. At any given point some psychopath could force them to have sex against their will. That can’t lead to peace of mind. It explains why they are attracted to men who can protect them. Beautiful and vulnerable is what we love about them. Their book recommendations?…not so much. The moral of my book review is that The Kite runner, much like life, sucks. Women are silly creatures with poor taste in literature, yet I would lick every centimeter of their bodies.