Summer

It was 72 out today and I officially have Spring fever. Baseball started, chicks are wearing skimpy clothes, and I'm a walking hard-on! Yee-ha! I plan on spontaneous happy hours on beautiful days, so keep your phones on and feel free to call me. All of this has me thinking seriously about the beach house and this summer. (I still need a share or a half, if anyone is interested.) I like doing lists, so here is a list of things I will and won't do this summer:
*Try surfing. I'm gonna take George up on his offer and give it a whirl. Just one more step toward the grave or traumatic injury! I'm in baby!
*Go spear fishing with Richie G. And catch something. "Hey, is that a fish or Richie? Fuck it, fire away!" More danger baby!
*Golf more. Golf sober. I'm really looking forward to this, even if it's just the three par. We will go to a real course at least twice. It would be more if we could figure out a way to increase the danger.
*Fishing. I had a ball with Tony and Richie G.'s bachelor party when we went fluke fishing. We will do that again, and I want to do blue fishing this year too. They are dangerous little fuckers, we'll have hooks, knives, and gaffs. Plus we'll be drinking. Huge danger potential.
*Kayaking. I got to talk someone else into getting a kayak. They are like $300 at BJ's, so step up people. You ride the fuckers in the surf and waves, easily drown. I got a broken paddle from last year to prove that. Maybe attach my spear to my kayak, impale myself somehow? Rico and I were plotting how we could blue fish off my kayak, maybe I need to follow through with that. Frightening.
*Group sex. No condoms. Oh my!
*Volleyball on the beach. This will be my exercise, along with my usual routine of drunken swimming.
*Falling less. That gravel sucks and pavement always stings. I think I only had one falling evening last summer, so that's an improvement. Like I always say, "Think safety, drink responsibly."
*Tennis. I'll need a partner for this, so let's make this happen. Also, I think a tennis court could make a wonderful dodgeball arena. Who doesn't love dodgeball? Oh wait, I'm 6'6", 240lbs, and slow as shit. Tennis sounds perfect.
*Bike riding. At least once in the national park. Bring on the deer ticks!
*Making fun of the Johnson sisters. Bailing out of 105 and taking a place in the backwoods of Belmar. Good thinking. Thanks to those of you who resisted Christina's recruitment and remained loyal. I know who you are and you are the reason we kept both houses despite her backhanded poaching efforts.
*Wearing Boston sports related items. At all times I will have on either a Three-time Superbowl Champions New England Patriots or World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. If I fail, feel free to remind me, then we'll all laught at Chris Brown.
*Nudity. More nudity really makes anything better.
*Parties. No more Luau? We'll convene a panel early in the summer to determine the proper course of action. Theme parties? Drinking game tournaments? Costume Parties?
*Getting along with our neighbors. This is self-explanatory, keep chaos hidden in back yard or indoors.
*Drugs. Like nudity, more drugs really makes anything better. Except my driving.
*Staying the fuck off the jetty. Dan and I, drunk, went on the jetty barefoot last year. Almost died. Most slippery surface I've ever been on. Had to literally crawl on my belly off into the water.
*More Banana phone.
*Fresh squeezed screwdrivers. After noon.
Of course if all we do is hang out sipping beers and bullshitting, I'll still be happy. As a pig in shit. I was injured a lot last year with my back, should be coming in healthy, ready to have a strong season.
Cheers motherfuckers.