Blog Decline

As you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging much lately. Well, it's gonna be a touch scarce over the summer. I'll be away from a computer a third of the time, which is a major factor. The other issue is that I don't think I want to write about our exploits at the beach house, which will dominate my thoughts. It seems like the kind of self-serving, "look what a great time I'm having!" stuff I wanted to avoid. Of course there will be exceptions, but in general they will have to focus on me in some way being an ass. I'm sure people don't want me broadcasting their drunken exploits to everyone and I respect that. Plus, I don't want to jeopardize my place in the gossip grapevine. Another issue is that I'm surrounded by folks for 3-4 days a week on the porch or in the backyard, so I get a lot of opportunities to make the jokes and points I usually post here. Finally, and this may be the fork in the back, GTA San Andreas for Xbox comes out June 6th.
That being said, I'll make an effort to get something up weekly. I got a rant about engagement rings I've been tinkering with for weeks. Fine line between expressing my opinion and insulting all females. Couple other things I just can't get to my liking. If something tickles my fancy, like those terrorist attacks a couple weeks ago, I'll make sure to send out an email link. I'd apologize for the decline, but I have yet to receive any envelopes full of cash. Cheers Motherfuckers!

City Gyms and Personal Trainers

A funny story in the NY Post Monday and Tuesday about a gay gym in Chelsea. Some guy is suing the David Barton Gym due to all the gay sex in the locker room. I've mentioned this before, but it was nice to see I'm not just a crazy homophobe. Here's the abstract:
http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/nypost/834977951.html?did=834977951&FMT=ABS&FMTS=FT&date=May+9%2C+2005&author=TODD+VENEZIA&desc=25G+SUIT+VS.+GYM+%27RANDY%27+-+STEAMED+OVER+%27GAY+SEX%27

Now I've never seen any sex acts, but I assume that's because I keep out of the steam rooms and showers. I never take a shower in the city gyms. I was at NYSC last week and Crunch yesterday. Both are around 37th and Broadway. Normal area, right? Weird gay vibe in the locker room. Naked men applying lotion or powdering up right next to you. Gotta blow dry your hair? Do it naked! Drives me nuts. Never seen it at my gym in Hoboken. Never. I think it makes me angry not because I'm homophobic, but because I'm jealous! How great would it be to cut out on your lunch break, have a nice workout, and then have sex with a random stranger while grabbing a steam! Quick shower and back to work. I know this goes on cause men are crazily horny and lack any morals in general. Gay men? Anything goes, as the methamphetamine sex parties and resulting super AIDS proves.
The other weird thing about city gyms are the trainers. They all look like ex-cons. Covered with tats, overly pumped up, and extremely angry looking when no one is watching. Yes, they are primarily black and Hispanic. No, I'm not trying to be racist, I'm just giving my observations. When they are working with their clients, mostly middle-aged whites, they are shucking and jiving, giving their clients high fives and half hugs, and the constant forced, overly loud, fake laugh. Once the client leaves, the scowl returns and I watch them roll their eyes at each other. I don't blame them, mind you, they are earning a living and being nice cause they're being paid. It's the white client's who are clueless. "Hey, this young black man covered in tattoos and looking like a pro athlete really likes me! High five, half-hug! I'm down with the brothers despite being a 50 year old flabby executive!" Trust me, it's really painful to watch.
Racism is real and every group is guilty of it for various reasons. I personally think it's a hard wired thing for humans that we try to overcome. We are more comfortable around those that we most resemble and have the most common history. That being said, don't think for a second that every race doesn't like it when other races are afraid of them. The white's have the KKK and Neo-Nazi's, plus the power of controlling everything. The blacks have rap and hip-hop, popping cap's in your ass, etc. Hell, that all started with young Malcolm X's "By any means necessary." Scared the hell out of whitey! Asians have Ninja's and kamikazes. Latinos have...wiry strength and fast balls to the head...Mexican gangs seem scary, I'm not sure. Jews are very smart, good with a buck...Okay I've kind of lost the thread here, maybe I should just discuss my own prejudices. I have instinctive reactions to certain groups. When I see a Hasidic Jew, I can't help but giggle. They look ridiculous and are crazy religious. During the last holiday, some family in Brooklyn left a stove top burner on all weekend so they could cook without operating anything mechanical. Lit the apartment on fire and two of their kids died. Crazy, simply crazy. When I see Asian women, I get an uncontrollable erection. I don't think I need to or should explain that. Dominicans make me yell "Go Red Sox!" Puerto Ricans make me thirsty, but that's mostly Rico's fault. When I see African-Americans, I seem to scream racial epithet's. Just natural reactions I can't seem to control. Did I mention I'm from Boston? Yeah...okay then. Cheers Motherfuckers !

Follow Up on Religion

Sorry for that last rant, just had to get that stuff off my chest. Did it publish right? I was trying something new with the font. Let me know, cause I was all fired up about the whole C.B/J.C. thing. When will we ever learn, no one ever has all the answers! Cheers you young Christian Motherfuckers!

Kearny Rail Bridge Fire

AAAAHHHHHH! The bridge in Kearny that connects Newark Penn Station with New York Penn Station has been disabled by a burning (blazingly burning) barge full of trash. Shutting down Amtrack and NJ Transit service to the whole North East Corridor. Did I mention something earlier about isolating the city? I had to go to channel 11 and 12 to get more on this info. Fox 5 led off with it and then didn't mention it again. None of the other networks or 24 hour news station mentioned it. A burning barge under a railroad bridge at night makes for excellent visuals, and no one is covering it! I smell gag order/media black out. 11 and 12 are local stations in NJ, maybe they couldn't be reached in time to squash the story. This is a little too much, please consider a sick day tomorrow. I may be a silly goose who is over-reacting, but I'm ready to head to the shore. Do you really think they'd want to start a panic by telling us that the wall had been sabotaged? Why is no one covering the fact Amtrack and NJ Transit has been shut down? Did we ever get the truth about that plane that went down over Far Rockaway? I'm drunk and wicked paranoid...Shallon is sleeping peacefully and ignoring my ranting. I did get her to tell me I get the condo if she goes to work tomorrow and is killed by terrorists, so I got that going for me. Since there will be no tomorrow, I'm off to eat everything in the fridge and drink everything in the house. Call me, I'll be up awaiting Armegedon. Cheers Shitdicks!
http://www.news12.com/NJ/topstories/article?id=138312

The Attack has Begun!

So a retaining wall collapsed dumping millions of tons of debris onto West Side Highway, right above the GW Bridge? These walls don't just collapse, they get blown up with C2 by people chanting "Allah Akbar!" There goes the exit out of the north-west part of the city, and they make it look like an accident so as not to spark the panic yet. Bridges and tunnels are next, they're isolating the city. Do you think it is a coincidence this happens the day after a small plane "accidentally" went off course and triggered our capitals evacuation? No way, they were checking out our preparations. Might I add our preparations appear to be yelling, "Run!" Looked like a Chinese fire drill. Are these the rantings of a paranoid madman? Maybe, but I still called Shal and told her to take the Path train and avoid the Lincoln Tunnel. Is this just a scenario I called Tom Finn with to panic him? Yes, but it doesn't mean it's not a possibility. I'm packing the car for the beach and am taking off at the next hint of trouble. In the meantime I'll be sipping straight Jameson, cleaning my gun, and softly singing "Learn to Swim" to myself.

Also, here is a link to Terry Shiavos blog to read while you wait for the end. Thanks to Rico for hooking me up with this link.
http://durrrrr.blogspot.com/

Karl's BBQ

Just a sensational time. The big man came through amazingly. Great eats and tons of it. My favorite was the beef and black beans, plus of course the cookies. The pictures are amazing, particularly of the grill. How did Shallon end up in so many photos anyway? The model shots of her were my favorite, that should be a new game we play with her when we get her drunk. I can't wait until this wedding, gonna be sweet. A perfect combination of friends, sports, booze, and food. That's the BBQ I mean, replace sports with music for the wedding. Speaking of sports, what the fuck? Celts get blown out, Rockets get blown out, and a 50-1 wins the Derby. Didn't see any of that coming, I hope bookies everywhere took a bath.
I barely remember getting back to the hotel though, much thanks to whoever that woman was who drove us. Back at the hotel is where the real idiocy began. There was a pool there, so of course drunken swimming was a must. We get to the pool and there is a sign saying, "Pool temporarily closed due to an inconsiderate patron." Did we care? Did we understand what it even meant? Of course not! Given the condition of my skin this week, I would have to assume they were shocking the pool, a term I kind of remember from my youth. I think it means massive amounts of chlorine, which would explain my new ability to see in the dark. Once we get in to the pool area, I remind everyone to be quiet, then do a cannonball into the pool. Some staff member came in and asked us to be quiet, which of course we weren't. I spent most of the time trying to sneak up on Brown, which was mostly unsuccessful. It did cause much swimming around rapidly, which resulted in head on crashes into the sides of the pool. I woke up the next day with a bumpy forehead, Brown had actually broken skin and had some scabs going. Good clean fun. No wonder I like the ocean, no walls. We all survived, as always. So until next time, Cheers motherfuckers!

Break ups

Looking forward to Karl's BBQ this Saturday. Anyone else doing the hotel thing? We're at the Mahwah Doubletree, FYI. Great time last night, count me in on that happy hour anytime. How do I register for it? A quick thought in the meantime.
A couple we know recently broke up, which is sad. I can't say I was terribly surprised, seemed to have different interests. I have no details nor would I discuss it here if I did. The reason I mention this is that it got me thinking about Shallon and I. If I broke up with Shallon, I'm pretty sure everyone would consider me an asshole and an idiot. I would have to be crazy. Now what if Shallon broke up with me? I realized in a heartbeat that people would probably understand. She'd receive sympathy and compassion. I'd receive scorn and disbelief. That's a scary realization to have. I'm doing the dishes and picking up all my empties to try and stay in her good graces. Maybe I'll get some flowers, seems easier than trying to change.

One last thing, a woman in the office recently returned from maternity leave. I overheard her on the phone talking about the birth. "It was a breach birth, really tore me up." This woman is pretty hot, but now I'm totally freaked out by that thought. The miracle of child birth. Yuck! If Shal ever gets the child itch, I'm making a pre-emptive strike and buying her a puppy. And I hate puppies. Cheers motherfuckers!

Riding the bus with my retard.

This was even funnier then The Other Sister. How did this movie get made? I know Rosie has "fuck you" money, but why wouldn't someone talk her out of this? In case you missed the movie, I taped it. There will be multiple viewings at the shore. The highlights for me were:

• Rosie eating dirt and paint while the sister just watches. Fantastic.
• When they fix her hair into a mullet. Made her look just like the dike she is.
• Any time she cries. Retarded, angry, grieving. I repeat, retarded, angry, grieving.
• The bus driver taking the whole bus to the hospital to get Rosie to see her father. I would have punched that driver in the face if I'd been on that bus. Then I would have mocked the father on his death bed for having a Rosie the Retard. Simply cause I was annoyed by the inconvenience.

They hit every cliche:

Retards are often preyed upon by perverts. Some weirdo giving her a stuffed animal. What was that? We never see the guy again after that either. Just bizarre.

Retards make lousy neighbors. The fat black woman neighbor yelling "hippopotamus" at Rosie cause her fat little retard legs make too much noise going down the stairs.

Retards have sex. Sure they do, but why would we want to know about it. What did it add to the movie? Why was the boyfriend black? Is this the double cliche about black dudes liking big white women?

Racism is bad. Why did the white guys beat up the black guy? Was he talking on the bus too, or did he just become confused and refuse to sit at the back of it?

People are mean to retards. Loved the scenes where the people on the bus would yell at her. Worst acting ever. I hate when normal people talk on the bus. I'd be whipping pennies at Rosie everytime she spoke until she cried. Then I'd laugh.

To know a retard, is to love a retard! Please. Those bus drivers would have rallied together to get her banned because of her constant talking and harassment of other riders. Can you imagine a loud retard riding on your bus all day. If I was one of those drivers I would have hired someone to cripple her.

Family always comes through in the end! Retarded blood is thicker than water. The sister would have tossed her in a home quicker than I plan on putting my mother in one at the first hint of senility. "Hey Mom, it's Jay. What's the square root of 64?" "What was that? No that's wrong, pack your bags Mom, it's time for the home." I'm putting my mother in a bad home, one where they have to eat cat food. Fuck her. And that's how I feel about my own mother, never mind a retarded sibling. That whole scenario would have played out over the phone and Rosie would be gone.

Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think I have something against retarded people. I really don't. They are amusing and much more entertaining than midgets. Mostly due to their stupidity. As long as they stay off my bus and keep to the carnival circuit, we'll be fine. Really, it's about the gall of Rosie to play this role. She is despicable. It's one thing for Shal and I to do sexual role playing in the privacy of our own home, like "banging my retarded daughter." It's a whole different ball game for a fat lesbian actress to portray a retarded, black-cock lover. That's just wrong.