French Bread Pizza

I ran into Dan McCarthy last Sunday. I saw him going into one of our many fine Korean convenience/grocery stores. I was with Shal and thought we'd say hi, maybe scare him in the store by having Shal accuse him of date raping her the night before. The store was near his house so I figured it must be his regular place. What could be funnier than having someone scream, "Rapist!" at you in the store you always go to? Exactly, nothing. A great goof. Of course Shal wouldn't go for it so we just stuck with hi. Dan was surprised to see us, looked somewhat frightened and guilty. This was probably because he was buying K-Y jelly and kielbasas, and I knew Ali was out of town. Kidding, or am I? I am, really he was buying a box of Stouffer's French Bread Pizza. He explained he'd been sick Friday and Saturday and had just stepped out to the store to get some dinner. "Okay, feel better, catch you later."
Something started to bother me once he left. I was having deja vu. I'd heard Dan mention Stouffer's French Bread Pizza before. It is what he refers to as his "bachelor meal", his go to when Ali is out of town. You may be asking yourself, "So fucking what?" Well let me tell you. Hoboken has more great pizza places than you can shake a stick at. If you are leaving your house to get pizza, go to Benny Tundino's for God's sake. What is wrong with Dan, he has to go home now and COOK the pizza. Dirty a pan! This makes no fucking sense to me. It outrages me. A slice is hot, comes with it's own plate, and only costs about $2.00. Plus there is free salt, pepper, garlic, parmesan cheese, and hot pepper flakes!
I would have understood if it had already been in the freezer. I keep all kinds of food around the house. I got cases of soup, mac and cheese, hot pockets, and even Spaghettios. (B.J.'s rocks!)These are perfect microwave foods for when you are too lazy to go out. But would I ever go out and buy one of these items for a meal? Hell no! To me this is the equivalent of going to Subways in Hoboken and ordering an Italian sub. This one should be punishable by death. Go to Vito's, which is the best, or any of the other great Italian delis around town.
I'll expect answers Dan, you motherfucker.

Vegetative state

Terry Schiavo and the Pope die back to back. Oh my, wait until the religious nuts get a hold of this. We let Schiavo die so God took the Pope from us as punishment. Trust me, we will hear this. I hope something bizarre happens. Maybe we'll learn Schiavo's father was molesting her or pimping her out like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, and that's why he wanted her to continue on in a vegetative state. I love that term, vegetative state, though I hope it is not my epitath. Maybe it turns out the Pope dies of advanced syphillis. Maybe she's the pope's secret love child, I don't know. How about the Pope was being slowly poisoned by his bishops. Or cardinals or whatever the fuck his second in command is called. Is there a Vice-Pope? Anyway, whoever it is wants to replace him and make man-boy love a new tenet of the chuch. That would be exciting. Put all those holier than thou religious types in their place.
Does anyone still watch South Park? It is still hillarious, I'm not sure how they did it so quick, but they had a Schiavo episode on Thursday night. Kenny was on a feeding tube and his eyes are going in different directions. Cartman wants the tube out. I won't ruin it, if you have a chance to catch it. It's always replayed after 10 on Comedy Central. Wonder Showzen on MTV2 is also classic entertainment and is usually coupled with the Wild Boys. Watch them or else. Here's a link to clips from Wonder Showzen, check out Beat Kids. http://www.mtv2.com/#series/14484

Michael Jackson is gonna make a sucide attempt soon. Not sure if he will suceed, I doubt it though I hope he does. Then I hope Jamie Fox plays him in a movie.
Cheers Motherfuckers!

Titles

I've been giving a lot of thought to titles for my random thoughts type blog. The Sports Guy has "More Cowbell", an homage to the Saturday Night Live bit with Will Farrell. Here are some of my ideas:
Drunken Blather.
Self-Serving Drivel.
Learn to Swim.
Soupy Dreck.
Thoughts from an Ass Monkey.
I hate Chris Brown.
Where the Fuck are my Beach House Checks?
Queer Eye for Your Red Eye.
What would Johnny Damon do?
Yankees Suck!
Please put me on the Liver Transplant List.
Legalize!

I think the winner is...."Learn to Swim"! Just feels right.
I've been seriously slacking on this blog thing. I just got a new video game, Manhunt, which is to blame. I'm a convicted killer (in the game, mind you) who has been abducted by a snuff film producer. I have to sneak around killing gang members in brutal and shocking ways while the producer eggs me on. Disturbing but strangely addicting.
I'm also looking to do a "Jay's work week in review" blog. I had a couple good ones from last week. I asked one of my client's what his goals were, as he is doing nothing at the moment. He tod me, "I just want to smoke cigarettes and act the fool." I'll let you guess the demographics of this young man. He's psychiatrically stable, in treatment, and living in supported housing, so I'm graduating him from my program. He will be free to "act the fool" to his heart's content, and I will not ever have to keep a straight face after hearing something like that from him again. Really, I almost fell out of my chair.
Another of my guys explained to me how he is doing great and his only vice is "cigarettes and sometimes cocaine, but I don't have a problem with it." He's schizophrenic but lives independently in the East Village and works odd jobs. He actually is doing okay compared to the past, gets long-acting injectable medication which keeps him stable.
The funny part about these two are that while professionally I can't condone this stuff, on a personal level I completely understand. What would I do if I won the lottery/ figured out some way not to have to work. "Act the fool" would be another way to say it, and may accurately describe how I spend my free time now. Drinks, drugs, cigarettes, video games, sports, TV, and hanging at bars with my friends. I do exercise as well, in my own defense. As Rich M. and I were discussing over drinks, I don't want to climb Mt. Everest or anything, I just want to be comfortable and enjoy myself.
Cheers Motherfuckers!

Mixed Nuts

The last marriage blog was a little harsh, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I guess that's how I feel about the whole topic. No offense meant to anyone personally. I thought I was being nice not going through every failed marriage and giving the reasons why it didn't work (allegedly, of course), but I just re-read it and I sound like an angry, cynical prick. Oh wait, I am an angry, cynical prick. Onto mixed nuts!

Is mixed nuts a stupid title? Probably, but I'm struggling to come up with an end of week, random thoughts title. Fuck it.
I promised a long, drunken ramble of a blog last Friday which I failed to deliver. Blame Rich Martinez, he called me up and dragged me out to a lunch and a full day of drinking and hoops. It was a disaster, as anyone who saw me Friday night can attest. Should of just bit the bullet and called Curtis, at least I would have been coherent. The drunken blog will come eventually, I just don't know when. Probably a Sunday now that I think about it.
Tomorrow is my birthday and Shal is taking me for a helicopter ride, which I am fucking psyched for! It was originally my idea for Shal's birthday but I couldn't surprise her with it. She is deathly afraid of heights and had a series of panic attacks when we were on a gondola in Aspen. "Happy Birthday honey, I got you a nervous breakdown and possible heart attack!" I have no idea how this will turn out. Would weed help or just make her more paranoid? Anyone got some Valium they can spare?
Rich Gawron is running house 105. I think his email quote to me was, "I got a ton of interested people so we should be full. Though I haven't figured out shares yet." I take it that means he hasn't gotten any money yet either. Good luck with that, hopefully it goes smoothly. Me personally? I'm ready to kill a few of my house members. I keep checking the mail, and I keep feeling like a little adopted boy waiting for a letter from my real parents. Disappointment and tears...Maybe tomorrow mommy send me letter (sniff, sniff). It's not like the next payment is due April 1st. Growl.
Celt's dropped one to the Knicks by 25 on Wednesday, ending their 7 game winning streak. Not to be self-centered, but they must have figured out this was the first game I could watch since the Antoine trade. They mailed it in. They are still a legitimate threat in the East, though I have no delusions about it. Miami wins the whole thing now that Duncan is out. Shaq thanks Kobe in his post-game speech. What a moment that would be, "Mmmm, Yeah, I'd like to thank Kobe for making this possible. Mmmm, Can you dig it!"
April 3, Bosox-Yanks regular season opener. I'm just not ready for this. Too much too soon.
Bruschi should just retire and spend his time touring with his three SuperBowl rings. I'd go.
Hey Dallas, good luck with Bledsoe! I guess Theisman was unavailable.
FREEDOM FOR KYRGYZSTAN! Finally! Uhhh wait, what? http://www.boston.com/news/world/europe/articles/2005/03/25/kyrgyzstan_leader_flees_amid_uprising/
I guess that's a good thing, $1 to the first person who can email me a map of the place and name the continent. Trust me, I had to cut and paste to get the spelling. Apparently vowels were illegal there under the old regime.
Have you heard the Pat O'Brien phone messages? Here it is done to flash animation, DO NOT OPEN AT WORK. http://www.foundrymusic.com/opieanthony/displaymedia.cfm/div/opieanthony/id/9721
This is going to be my new thing when drunk, extremely graphic sexual phone messages. I'll only do it to my guy friends though, that is where the humor lies.
Cheers Motherfuckers!

"So, why aren't you and Shallon married?"

Ahhh, yes, the final group of people I've had to deal with for at least the last 6 years. The "why aren't you?" or "when are you two finally going to get married?" folks. These are almost inevitably married people. Self righteous, "what is wrong with you" married folks. Before we get to them in depth, let me make a couple points. First, if you were one of my single friends, I realize you were just busting my balls with this question. You are exempt from this. I hope I get really nasty with this, cause these people irritated me to no end. Second, how should I respond to this question? A few ideas, many of which I actually used:
*"I don't really like her, just waiting for something better to come along." If a lady, quickly followed up with, "So, what's up with you, HAPPILY married?"
*"I'm gay, just not ready to come out yet." If a guy, followed up with, "What was your name again?"
*"Immigration issues, it's complicated." Immediately walk away.
*"Who are you? Do I know you?" Look insulted and shake your head.
*"Nolo ingles. Que?" Best while drinking margaritas.
*"She's really a man."
*"She doesn't swallow."
*"I got to take care of some legal issues before she'll agree. (Laughing) I mean, seriously, do I look like a child pornographer to you?"
*"Shut up cunt."
*"Married? I hadn't thought about that...What's that all about?"
*"How'd you like another drink? I'll go mix you up a mind your own fucking business with a punch in the face chaser!"
*Finally, my all time favorite response was to a married woman I had met the previous evening in the ski house. I'll refer to her as C., and not because that is her initial. She, her husband, Chris Brown, and myself were on a chairlift in Killington. The men had just finished smoking a huge joint. Her husband was busy shouting racial slurs at skiers on the slope. Honestly, he was yelling "Ping-Pong, Ping-Pong" at a group of Japanese skiers. Now I'm not opposed to a little good natured racism, but I stopped yelling slurs at minorities during my teens. (Okay, there was that time with me and Krafty in Asbury Park, but we were really drunk and in a car. Kidding. Shut up about it Shallon.) Anyway, Brown and I are really stoned and a little horrified by Ping-pong boy, when C. turns to me and says, "Not that it's any of my business, but why aren't you and Shallon married? You seem like a good couple." She's on my left, Brown is on my right. I feel Brown giggling right off the bat, look at C. with blood shot eyes, blink once at her. I turn my back to her and look at Brown, "So how about them Patriots, huh?"
We both burst out laughing, C. is pissed at the total bluntness of my blow off. As Brown later put it, she just wasn't ready for a dose of "Jay Mills level sarcasm. To her credit she came roaring back at me and Brown. "Oh, excuse me for asking a serious question, trying to make a fucking conversation! Sorry! What should we talk about, WEED?" A scathing rebuttal but unfortunately it just brought Brown and I to hysterics. We almost fell out of the chairlift and the husband almost jumped when he realized how pissed his wife was and saw us laughing AT her. I can't remember how it ended, I think we just all put are goggles on to stop any eye contact. C. seethed quietly, Ping-pong boy had the thousand yard stare, and Brown and I eventually laughed ourselves out, interspersed with inappropriate giggles. Awkward, awkward awkward.

There was someone else on that ski trip who loved to ask that question. We'll call him Dave Reed. "So, when you two gonna do it man? When you gonna marry Shallon?" I asked him how he liked being married, and how it was different from when they just lived together. He said he loved it and that it was different cause she was his wife now. "Even if we have an argument or aren't getting along, I know it'll work out cause we're married now. You know what I mean, it's permanent, dude." Well, if you haven't figured out what happened with him, let me give you a hint: d-v--c-d. Apparently blind sided by it as well. I'm not trying to be cruel, just making a point. And he really did bust my balls in the most self-righteous of ways. Fifty percent divorce rate kids. One hundred percent of the folks I know who got married more than 4 years ago. My sister just finalized her divorce, two kids. My father is on his fifth divorce as we speak.
"So, why aren't you and Shallon married?"

Good luck to all the newlyweds out there, I'll be joining you soon.
Cheers motherfuckers!

Current events.

I'm starting to come out of the coma that is St. Patty's day weekend. Ouch. Apologizes to all who Evil Jay bugged. I got a request for a current events update from Kelly giving my personal opinion on the issues of the day.

Michael Jackson: Guilty shit dick. I don't think there's much doubt about whether he did it, the issue is will he be found guilty. Everyone wants to make the comparison to OJ and now Robert Blake. No comparison folks, they killed their spouses, something we all have at least considered if only for the briefest of moments. Like Chris Rock said, I ain't saying it's right, but I understand. Fucking underage boys? No comparison. Just none. Add in the fact he looks and behaves like a freak, and he is going down (pun intended).

Robert Blake: He was Beretta for goodness sake! He looks like grandpa! His wife was a con woman and deserved to be murdered in cold blood...Wait, I went to far with that. Let's just say that without hard physical evidence, be deserved to walk. And she DID deserve it. Sorry. Nicole Simpson too, but for entirely different reasons which good taste dictates I not get into here.

Terri Schiavo: I couldn't care less but starving her to death does seem inappropriate. Funny, sure, but really inappropriate.

Politics: I can't believe the world hasn't ended yet following the re-election of Bush. Is abortion illegal yet? Must be, guess I just missed the announcement. I can't believe I'm getting drafted too, the world sure is on the brink. I love Bush's pick for the UN ambassador, if you didn' catch it, let me sum it up for you, "Fuck you Kofi, suck on this." He's a piss, what a cowboy.
The Democrats: So it seems like you are out of touch with mainstream America? Im not sure what tipped off the rest of the country, maybe electing a Massachusetts' Senator with a history of extreme liberalism, looking like a hippy, and then dishonoring his military career by returning his medals. Good thinking. Just in case you missed pissing off middle America, have your convention in Boston, which is embroilled in a legalization of gay marriage controversy. Wait, one more thing, slap a Red Sox hat on your candidate! Just in case they missed the accent. Brilliant. So how do you regroup for the next election? Nominate a lunatic from Vermont (state motto: "We love Gay Marriage! And Drugs!") to run your party, despite the fact he had the most public political meltdown since Muskie cried in the '72 and was revealed to be a mental patient with a history of electro-shock therapy (look it up you lazy bastards). Just to make sure you don't have a chance in 2008, position Hillary as your early front runner. I'm just laughing and shaking my head right now. No way could Cheney win presidency, unless of course Dean controls the party and your candidate is Hillary.

Sorry, I get carried away about the democrats cause I'm a former one myself and just can't believe how far the party fell.

NCAA Tournament: What the fuck!?!? I'm clueless, go Tar Heels.

Spurs: Duncan sprained his same ankle for third time this year. Ouch. I just saw the replay again of him rolling it. Brutal. They are done, Go Celts!

More Wedding Terror

Before we get back to the wedding, a quick story from the gym yesterday. I get in the locker room and am putting my stuff in a locker, there's a 50 something year old guy who just got out of the shower and is doing cosmetic type stuff in preparation for work or whatever. I'm not paying any attention, truthfully male nudity makes me uncomfortable. He's talking to a friend, loudly, "I'm telling you I spend half my time putting lotion on." What the fuck? "Yeah, I tell you that's one of the main reasons I miss my ex-wife, to help with the lotion." Okay, he's just one of those guys who talks in a stream of consciousness kinda way. Doesn't make him a bad person, just annoying. "Yeah I gotta keep up with lotion or I get all dried out." Now I'm still not looking at him, but I can't help but giggling, It puts the lotion on when it's told. "Yeah, sucks getting older." It puts the lotion on or it gets the hose! "What are you gonna do though, right!" PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET! Needless to say I couldn't voice any of that but I got a good chuckle out of it. I should have asked him if he was about a size 14. One last thing for the guys, if you work out in a gym and have to shower, don't walk around naked. For Christ sake, put the fucking towel on. I do this thing where I go to different gyms around NYC when I have to work late. I usually just say it's my first time and I'd like to check it out. Often I'll hear about or sign up for a free week, and there are so many gyms in the city I just rotate through them and never have to pay. Not necessarily exciting, but why not? I've checked out a lot of cool places and been in a lot of shit holes. The one thing that is a constant, except for the gym in Harlem, is that there is always at least one creepy nude guy hanging out in the locker room. I've been to some real nice gyms with free towels everywhere, and guys are walking to and from the shower naked, with the towel in their fucking hand! Just wrap it around you! Is that too much to ask? Is this a gay thing? I have to assume so, and it makes me want to bash them in the skull with my lock. Not that I have a problem with faggo...gay people. I don't, just put some clothing on! I played sports in high school, I've showered in open locker rooms, it never bothered me. Everyone showered, put towels on, got dressed. No problem. Of course, where I'm from gay bashing isn't just accepted, it's expected. So maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. If there are any females still reading, feel free to walk around naked. In the locker room, at the beach house, hell, come on over to my place, I find female nudity totally acceptable. I guess I'm not really going out on a limb with that, but I felt it needed to be said. On to the show.

I think I covered the planning part of the wedding fairly enough the other day, and I'll be taking the advice of Mr. McFawn of "just put it on auto-pilot," as much as Shal will let me. Maybe I'll adopt the purposeful inaptitude strategy, just fuck up any duties assigned to me so Shal will have to handle it. The next hassle I have is questions from friends. I'm gonna break this into two sub-sections: Questions I've had to deal with over the past 8 years about when Shal and I are getting married, why we haven't yet, and the general tone of "What is wrong with you? Get married already will ya!" The second category of questions involve the folks that have heard about the wedding plan and want to talk with me about it. I can actually handle this section quickly because all of the questions blend together and I don't really hear them. Why? Well basically because my vision goes red, theres a loud roaring in my ears, and I hallucinate that I'm covered in the questioner's blood and doing an interpretive dance with their entrails wrapped around me. So if I've seemed rude when I fail to respond, please forgive me, I'm in another place. A happy place. Covered in your entrails while laughing maniacally. I'm not trying to discourage folks from asking questions, I'm just letting you know.
I got to get to work, and yes I'm writing that at 11:30am. To be continued. Also, look for a possibly drunken blog on Friday, depending on how St. Paddy's day goes. Anyone up for meeting at Arthurs after work Thursday for a gentlemanly Guinness or two?
Cheers Motherfuckers!

Celtics

I got to get something in writing about the Boston Celtics (okay, I know some of you want and expect this of me, so here you go), I mean the SIXTEEN TIME WORLD CHAMPION BOSTON CELTICS. I'm putting the wedding writing on hold so I can get this down before The Sports Guy beats me to it. If you are male and/or like sports and pop culture, Bill Simmons is the greatest columnist ever. He writes for ESPN Page 2. He used to be the Boston Sports Guy, but went national with an extreme Boston bias. Heres a link to his page: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/index
On to my first sports blog!
Danny Ainge took over as General Manager 2 years ago and promptly drove Antoine Walker out of town on a rail. I don't really remember the trade, but it involved a lot of tall, arthritic white guys. Not a good move. As my friend Charlie likes to point out, Ainge took a team that had just been to the Eastern Conference finals and traded one of it's best players for shit. The thinking was that by getting rid of Walker, Pierce would take over the team and we'd add complemtary players around him. Everyone thought Pierce was a superstar in the making and Walker was holding him back. Walker was not liked in Boston, he shot too much (He once responded to the question, "Why do you shoot so many 3's?" with, "Cause there ain't no 4's"), made bad game decisions, was a ball hog, and drove you crazy with his little shimmy dance at inappropriate times. Anyway, it turns out Pierce was not the next Jordan. He missed Antoine and sulked like a bitch. He mailed in a ton of games and the Celt's SUCKED. I think we missed the playoffs or lost in first round, whatever, they were awful.
In the off-season, we apparently had a good draft, but I really don't trust the draft and rookies. You just never know how they'll turn out. I vividly remember Rick Pitino introducing Chauncy Billups and Ron Mercer at Boston Garden as the "future back court of the Champion Boston Celtics" or some such dreck. Fucking asshole Pitino traded them both within a year. For fucking Vin Baker and a 1978 Chevette. Pitino was an asshole but my anger with him is sidetracking me, so let me just finish up with Pitino by saying that whatever his health problems are, I hope they kill him. Painfully. And I hope his family suffers. Just another quick aside, in the draft in which we got Billups and Mercer, the two picks before us were Duncan and Van Horn. That was the only reason Pitino took the job, he thought he was getting one of those two.
I'm fucking lost here, what am I talking about? I'm ranting about Pitino and a draft from 10 years ago? I apologize, let me start again here.
The Celts have won seven of their last eight and are gonna wrap up the Atlantic and take a three seed into the playoffs, Bouya! Why? Cause Antoine fucking Walker is back! I always loved Walker, regardless of anything else you may have heard. Pierce has got his running mate back and has been born again Hard! We traded Kenny Anderson and then resigned him, Ricky Davis is producing, and Mark Blount...well, he kinda sucks, maybe he'll turn it on in the playoffs.
My point here? Danny Ainge is a genius and saved this season. We can play with anyone know, as we have been proving, and why the fuck not? The Pats take 3 in 4 years, the Red Sox beat the yankees and win the World Series for the first time in 87 years, so why not? I didn't think detroit stood a chance last year, so you never know.

Wedding

I'd like to say thanks for the support of my little blog here, thanks Rob and Karen! Shallon doesn't count, and the GIT thinks I'm going insane. As always, GIT is closest to the truth. On to the show!
Speaking of Shallon, in case you hadn't heard, it appears that Shal and I will be getting married in Vegas around March 2006 (Dry your tears ladies). It will be our ten year anniversary and we are both very excited about it. In my case, "excited" is another way of saying "being in a state of abject terror." Not that I have any problem with being married to Shal, it's the process that causes me to break out in cold sweats. If I could wake up and just be married, I'd be fine. However, that is not the case. There must be endless discussion, questions from friends, and the eventual informing of our families. I'll cover these issues one at a time. Endless discussion: I don't think I'm giving away any secrets when I say Shal likes to smoke a little something-something on occasion. When in this "mood", she likes to "brainstorm" with me about wedding. "How about Mandalay Bay?" That sounds great honey. "Yeah, but what about (insert the name of 30 different places)?" Uhhh, I don't know, I trust you, whatever looks cool. "We could try to get a pool bar, or an island bar, or should we try to get, like one of those rooms?" (I get up and make a 16oz glass of vodka and ice) Hmmm, not sure, all sounds good. "Who should we have marry us? An Elvis? Maybe a midget Elvis? (Now I'm smoking as well. And shaking.) Get a midget Elvis, that would be best (Giggling now and trying to avoid eye contact.) "Want to hear my idea for the invitation?" (Deep breath.) I'd love to? "Well, okay, this is what I'm thinking..." (My eyes glaze over and I start contemplating the joys of heroin.)
This is not to say anything bad about Shal, I know everyone has to do this around big decisions and planning events, I'm just not that kind of guy. Tell me when and where, and I'll try and drop by between hands of Black Jack. I'll even try not to stumble. Leave it up to me, we'd do it in the arrivals lounge in Vegas airport so we could be done with it and get to the gambling. Your flight gets delayed? We'll show you a picture when we meet up at the sports book. No disrespect to the institute of marriage, but I view the process much like I imagine penis enlargement surgery. It's something you do for your partner, it would be best if you were heavily anesthisized during the procedure, and when it's over, everyone is happy.
I got to get to work, to be continued...
Cheers Motherfuckers!

Explaining myself

I always thought these on line journals and blogs were pretty self serving and written by narcisstic jack offs, but I made a New Years resolution to try and write more. This is because I have a secret desire to be filthy rich. I'll pass on the fame part, that seems burdensome. I remember at the beach house Shallon was saying how we should put cameras in the house and try to do a reality show. Now ignoring the fact that no one would want to watch 30 year olds sitting around drinking and bullshitting, there was the fact of exposure. Shal was talking to Brown and me, we shared a look, and I told her that at the end of the day we all had to have careers to go back to. Brown laughed and said, "Exactly." If our employers or the general public actually knew how we really behaved, the odds of career advancement would be slim at best. Annonymity is nice and often neccessary.
Back to the reason for my blog. I'm not getting rich working with crazies, so I realized I had to think of something else. Coke dealer seems risky, gay porn doesn't pay as much as you'd think, and rigging the lottery seems difficult, unless you live in Boston and your last name is Bulger. If no one gets the Bulger reference, I'll explain it later if anyone cares, just ask. So I got to thinking, "Hey, why don't you write a series of best-selling books?" Well, that was about 5 years ago, and, well, I haven't written shit. It's not like I don't sit in front of my computer enough, I do. Unfortunately, I mostly play on-line games, surf bizarre sites, and email back and forth about random drivel. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy that, but it's not leading anywhere. Everything I've read and heard about writing indicates that you have to write regularly for it to become a habit, not to mention improve. Sounds obvious enough, so this it. This is a free site, and I can share it for feedback, so that is why I'm here.
If anyone is still reading this, thanks. I'm gonna try and post daily, but we'll see how that goes. I'll try not to be boring, but I'm sure I'll have a lot of sports and political rambling. I do that a lot in email, but it's usually just to a couple folks cause I'm afraid not everyone cares, so this way, it's up to you. If you enjoy, send me envelopes full of cash. Or maybe buy me a beer, I'm easy.
I can put posts in here too, so I'll share my post on ebay, which I did while drunk a couple Sundays ago. This won't make much sense to everyone who doesn't listen to Opie and Anthony, but the picture and comments are pretty funny. I'll close today with my Banana phone conversion kit. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3311&item=6373511805&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Wait, I found the related link: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/badgerphone.php
If you enjoy this there are like ten other versions I can post, just ask.
Should I have a trademark sign off for this? Yeah, I just thought of one.
Cheers Motherfuckers!

My first blog!

This is a test. I figured every other asshole out there has one, so this is mine. Ill try a link: http://eatabullet.com/